I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
