Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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