it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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