did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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