please come you make the beer taste better
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
