Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
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