Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
