break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
