Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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