my phone needs a breathalizer
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
