Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
false alarm. still invincible.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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