As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I did not marry a roomba.
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