I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
