I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
