the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
