saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
