I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
