I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
