Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
