I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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