I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I need moral support for this bender
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
