I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
