She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
