Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
