it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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