she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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