I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
