Someone shit on the floor
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize