Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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