Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Farmville is her only friend.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
