bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
