I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
