What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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