i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
