I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
