I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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