I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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