I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize