dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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