so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
