Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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