just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
