I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
