i think my tv is drunk
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He did a backflip because drugs
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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