it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
