blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
