Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
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