I'm gonna have a badass scar
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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