I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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