I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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