I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
