First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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