I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
