you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Dignity is for republicans.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
