is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
