Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
