I need help removing her.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
