Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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