we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
