Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
