I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
