i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
