is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
