hell yes lets make some ravioli
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
