maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
