this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
